The Gift of Attention

Intro Music:
Welcome to An Owner’s Guide for Your Life, the podcast that combines psychology, coaching, common sense and fun. I’m Tracey Browning, an entrepreneur, life coach, and lover of people. Now let’s talk about how to live love, make money, and change the world.

Tracey:
Hey, I’m glad you’re here. This is episode 26, and you probably think that you’re paying attention. But are you really?

How often do you stop and really notice what’s going on? In the Introduction to Psychology class that I teach, we were talking the other day about a principle called selective inattention. It’s when we don’t see what is clearly visible, we fail to notice what’s just right in front of our very eyes.

Now you can go on YouTube and do a search- look for the phrase selective inattention. You can entertain yourself for a while. Watch a few videos to see how closely you pay attention. I don’t want to give anything away and, if I tell you what to look for, then I’ve ruined the whole thing so I can’t tell you what to look for. Just look for selective inattention videos and see. I bet you’ll be surprised at how much you miss when it’s right there in front of you and you’re looking for it.

We don’t just do this with our eyes. We also do it with our listening. Do you REALLY listen to the person who’s talking or are you, like so many of us, are you sitting there thinking about what you’re going to say as soon as they stop?

I know. We’re human. It can be a little challenging to really pay attention. So when somebody gives you the gift of attention, oh, my goodness, it means so much.

Now, a few months ago, one of our sons cuts the grass for us, and we just happened to be standing out in our backyard. This was right before he was getting ready to mow. And we’re standing out there, we’re playing with the dogs, and I look and I said, “Look, there’s a little tiny bit of honeysuckle growing there at the bottom of the fence. I love honeysuckle. It just takes me right back to my childhood.” That’s all I said to him.

He’s a man of few words. He didn’t really say anything to me. He just kind of nodded his head. And then he went and got the mower. I went back inside, got the dogs in and that was that.

So later in the day, I walked out and I thought, “Well, the honeysuckle is still there.” He’d been mowing it for months and months. He’d just been cutting it down. But he stopped mowing the honeysuckle. And for the weeks after, he never mowed the honeysuckle, never said a word to me.

Now what’s happened is that I’ve got this beautiful honeysuckle vine growing on my fence, and I can just take a whiff of it and it takes me right back to my childhood.

Isn’t it interesting how sense can do that? You smell something and you’re, like how honeysuckle does that for me? Maybe something like cinnamon does it for you. You smell cinnamon and think of your grandma’s cinnamon rolls. Oh, that scent is so powerful.

But the thing is, I didn’t say, “Please don’t cut that honeysuckle down because I’d love to be able to walk out into my backyard and be transported to my childhood.” I didn’t say it. I just said it takes me back to my childhood.

He never said, “Hey, would you like for me to cut it or leave it?”
He paid attention. He listened to what I said, and he thought, “ know my mom. I know what she loves.”

So he gave me something to enjoy. And by the way, he has yet to say anything about it.
And I haven’t said anything to him.

I’ve just enjoyed what he did.
He gave me the gift of attention.
He paid attention to what I said, and then he took some action. Or actually, in this case, he took some inaction and didn’t cut the honeysuckle down.

And because his brothers are probably listening, I know that it’s not just he forgot to cut it down because he’s cut other things down. He leaves the honeysuckle because he knows I love it.

So where can you pay attention? Is it just somebody in your family? Is it in your work life? Are you dealing with customers that oh, I know when we’re customers, we can be a little bit challenging. But if you slow down and listen to your customers, to your boss, to your coworkers, to your vendors, when you listen to what people are saying, when you pay attention to see what’s happening around, you just pay a little bit of attention, because so few of us really pay attention, that gift of attention goes such a long way.

Surprise somebody with a honeysuckle moment.

Give them the gift of your attention.

For a transcript of this episode or for more information about life and mindset coaching, visit my website https://www.tbrowning.com/.