Why Do We Do What We Do

Look all the way back in the Bible, Paul, he laments in Romans 7: 15
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Yeah, Paul. We hear you, loud and clear.
So we are here, being like Paul, now, wondering why we do the things we do.

Is it habit? Is it comfort? Maybe it’s for pleasure. Maybe you’re doing something to earn money. Maybe it’s to satisfy an appetite.

Think about the times you feel the most motivated and why you think it is that you’re feeling motivated.

–Intro Music–

Hey, I’m glad you’re here. This is episode 12.

Today’s topic is in response to a listener request.
My friend John asked me to talk about the psychology of motivation and, oh buddy, I am happy to do so.

I’m a life and mindset coach, and an adjunct psychology professor, so of course I’M fascinated by motivation.
But I’m not the only one.

Have you ever done a Google search for the question “Why do we do the things we do?”
If you have, you’re in good company.
You’ll see more than 16 BILLION, that’s billion with a B as in boy, 16 billion results for that question.

We are intrigued.

We want to know why.
WHY do we do what we do?
Why do other people do what they do?

And we didn’t start asking these questions in the 20th century, you know, we weren’t sitting around just waiting for the internet to be invented so we could ask these questions.

No, look all the way back in the Bible, Paul, he laments in Romans 7:15
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Yeah, Paul. We hear you, loud and clear.
So we are here, being like Paul, now, wondering why we do the things we do.

Like most things dealing with humans, there’s not an easy answer.

We’re people, not robots. We are magnificent, we’re fascinating, complicated, multifaceted creatures. And while we might wish for some easy answers about motivation, we can appreciate the fact that there aren’t typically 1+1=2 situations when we’re talking about motivation.

It that can get a little frustrating to not have clear cut explanations but let’s think about it like this.
Most of us want to be understood but we don’t want to be 100% predictable.
We like having at least a little bit of mystery about us.

Think about a close personal relationship you have. Whether it’s with a brother or sister or a spouse or a friend.
When you’ve had a bad day, do you want that person to know some things to say and do for you to help you feel better?
Sure, you do.
It feels good to be understood.
You feel supported and encouraged.
You feel like you matter when someone notices you and your needs and cares enough to act. And it strengthens your relationship.
And you probably want to be able to do the same thing for them, right?

I want my husband to know that I love a good foot massage.
I want him to understand that about me and he does and he knows how much I appreciate that he knows and acts on it. He does that even without me pointing it out here on the podcast. He’s good about that.

Now, you think about your person, your relationship. Do you want that same person who understands you to be able to predict everything you say and do?
What if they finished every single sentence you spoke with 100% accuracy?

That’d be creepy. And frustrating and it would get boring and it would be kind of insulting, like you’re useless in the relationship if they can understand everything there was to know about you.

I say this to help us remember that it’s okay to NOT know everything about a person, a situation or a topic.
So remember that when we get a little frustrated. Oh wait a minute, there’s not an easy answer.
It’s okay, it’s okay.

Motivation is a big topic. It permeates everything we do.
We’re not going to cover all there is to know about motivation in one fell swoop here. Nope, not gonna do it. We’re going to take bits and pieces of it along the way and I want to get us thinking.
Especially because these episodes don’t go on for hours like a Jocko Willink podcast does.
No, I keep my episodes short and sweet and pretty focused.

Here’s what my goal is for us today- it’s my challenge for you.
I want you, as you go through your day, through the next few days over the course of the next week, think about all the different reasons why you do the things you do.
Is it habit? Is it comfort? Maybe it’s for pleasure. Maybe you’re doing something to earn money. Maybe you’re just satisfying an appetite.

Think about the times you feel the most motivated and why you think it is that you’re feeling motivated.
When do you feel most willing to do what it is you’re doing and where are you hitting resistance in that why do I do the things I don’t want to do and the things I say I want to do, I can’t get the gumption up to do them?
Where are your roadblocks?
So think about that as you’re going throughout your day.

Have some discussions about it.
The other day, my husband and I and one of our sons started talking about what motivates us
and why we think people do what they do and we started talking about Navy Seal training.

And it got a little boisterous. It was kind of rowdy. One of our other sons walked in and he was puzzled. He said, “Why? Why are y’all in here hollering at each other about Navy Seal training? Has somebody got a career decision they’ve made that they just haven’t told us about?”

So have some fun with it and enjoy thinking about why do you do the things that you do.

As you consider your own motivations, think about the stories you’re telling yourself about them as you go along.

I love to cook and I rarely follow recipes to the letter- to me, recipes are suggestions so when I hear about somebody asking “why do you do this or why do you add that?” I think “Ah, there’s a kindred spirit”.
That’s how I feel about this woman I heard about years back.

A younger woman was fixing her very first rump roast and she was trying to very carefully follow her mom’s recipe. She bought all the ingredients and laid them out on her counter, got her roasting pan out. Then she called her mom.

“Mama, why am I supposed to cut the ends off the roast? And do I do one side? Both sides? And how much?”
Her mom said, “Oh honey, I just cut, I don’t know, an inch or so off both sides. I don’t know why exactly. That’s just what Grandma always did.”

So the young woman called Grandma to ask her about the roast recipe.
“Grandmama, why do we need to cut the ends off the roast?”
And Grandma said “Oh, I never had a pan big enough to hold the roast so I cut the ends off so it’d fit.”

There. It’s a very practical solution to a problem that is no longer a problem but the solution continues.

Sometimes we do things and we think things and we tell ourselves things because it’s what we’ve been taught. And maybe there was a good reason for it at some point but it’s not what serves us best now.

Those are the stories that I want us to look for as we think about our own motivation.

If you have someone you’d like for me to have on the podcast, let me know. I am not shy about asking. Now that I’m getting my feet under me with the podcast and all the things it requires, I’m starting to make plan for guests. It’s fascinating to hear people’s stories, isn’t it?
For us, I want to talk with people who have taken ownership in their own lives in some way. Whether it’s somebody who has made an interesting career choice or overcome a challenge or there’s just something about them that you really admire. Let me know who’s on your list. An Owner’s Guide for Your Life can cover a LOT of ground.

If you have comments or questions you’d like to share, message me. I’d love to hear from you.
tracey@tbrowning.com is my email. Or hit me up on social media, you can find me there. We’re having good conversations there- it’s a lot of fun!

Now let’s go live, love, make some money and change the world!